My dear girl, do please struggle as much as you wish. Thrash and writhe and moan and complain. Plead with your eyes. Think over and over how unfair this is, how cruel this is, how I don’t understand how it feels for you, how this wasn’t what you wanted, how this isn’t what you agreed to, how this is just… wrong.
I watch all of your movements, your struggles, your discomfort. I watch your expression, I empathise with your emotions, and read your ‘energy’, for want of a better term. I am very clear about what you agreed to, what you asked for, and what you wanted. Please don’t ever mistake me not caring with me not understanding. Please don’t ever think for a moment that I let you suffer through ignorance, error or mistake. You suffer with my intent, through my judgement, and by my will.
What you want is not what you get. What makes you happy is not my goal. What you asked for is not what’s going to happen. You come to me because I carry the power, and carry it well. You come to me because I give you what you need, not what you want. You come to me because I will push you, use you, take my desire from you.
I know these qualities of mine are so much more appealing in theory, before the ropes go on, than when the visceral reality kicks in. When the discomfort and pain begins; when those intimate, degrading, nasty words are being said to you; when I’m using your body the way that I like, rather than the way you like. But this is your journey, isn’t it? To suffer, to struggle, to be tested, to be used… This is what you need, and this is what I give you. Don’t expect to enjoy every moment of it… don’t expect it to please you whilst it happens… don’t expect it to feel nice or safe or easy…
Just accept that it will give you everything of which you ever dreamed.