Scenes going bad - part 2
I mentioned in my last post - in answer to a question - that a ‘scene’ (which is the conventional short hand for ‘fuck session between a Dom and sub, which is likely to involve some intense physical play and/or psychological play likely to provoke powerful emotions’) can, on rare occasions, go bad. Any Dom should have their wits about them to make sure that a sub isn’t channeling something unpleasant or experiencing something beyond their current ability to handle safely. We all have demons, and whilst D/s can be a terrific way to meet those demons and make friends with them, we need to approach that process with wisdom.
But I thought this was worth putting out that a scene can go bad for a Dom too.
Doms, by our nature, like to act pretty invulnerable. We embody strength, self confidence and certainty of action. This is, by and large, true. But even we can have a bad day. Any good sub ought to understand this, know how to spot if it’s happening and know how to best act to help a Dom through a bad experience if one arises.
The most common expression of this gets the slightly cute name of ‘top drop’. That is at the end of a scene, after everything has reached it’s climax and everyone is beginning to relax and wiping themselves down, a Dom can be hit by a wave of depression, melancholy, sadness or even guilt. Being a Dom involves pushing yourself psychologically - putting yourself into an extreme state of mind, breaking through a lot of societies rules, breaking taboos, being, in essence, an evil git. The energy released by the breaking of those rules can be amazing. But sometimes it can spring back at you and slap you around the head. Some part of a Doms mind may begin to whisper “you’re doing a bad thing” or “you’re abusing this girl” or “you’re just sick and this is wrong.” Any number of guilt based expressions may bubble up. Sometimes these strike home and quite rapidly a Doms mood can turn dark and self reproaching.
Fortunately this is easy to deal with if a sub is alert. All a Dom needs in this situation is a hug and reassurance that, yes, the sub loves it, yes, they want to be there, yes, they’re having a great time and yes, they are proud of their bruises/bite marks/scratches/rope burns/come-covered-face. ‘Top drop’ is based on the fear that maybe it’s *not* all right to act this way - a Dom just needs to hear that yes, it really is, and to know that everyone is having a good time.
Occasionally a sub will be under the impression that the sub is the only one who gets a hard time during a scene and is the only one needing after-care. Some subs get so high off a scene that they are just bouncing around afterwards and just want to carry on with the rest of their lives with new found energy and enthusiasm. Which is great - but it is absolutely a subs duty to make sure their Dom is doing okay, just as it’s a Doms duty to take care of their sub. I’ve known Doms end relationships with subs because, whilst they may have been very good subs in scene, they didn’t show an ability to take care of the Dom when he needed it.
D/s opens up powerful, dark, forces in the psyche. That’s why it’s great. But sometimes those forces burn a little and it can hit a Dom just as much as a sub. We Doms have to operate for most of the time in a world where we aren’t acknowledged as being the gods amongst men that we know we really are (and which fortunately our subs recognise us to be). That means we can get run down, demoralised and worn out, making us more vulnerable to the demons we summon into ourselves. Fortunately any damage those demons do us is easy to fix - but a sub needs to be aware that it can happen, how to spot the signs and what to do if a Dom is starting to fall a little…
Mind games with two subs
This just came to mind…
A while back I was in the happy position of having two subs to play with on a regular basis. One of them was pretty experienced and I’d been with her for some years (let’s call her sub1), the other was still learning about herself and exploring her submissive side (sub2).
After a little while I realised that the two of them were starting to form a bit of an alliance against me. They were getting very sisterly, helping each other, encouraging each other, making life easier for each other. This, I thought, shouldn’t continue.
I knew both of them were frightened of my cane because… well, it’s vicious. sub1 had been on the receiving end of it a number of times and hated it, sub2 had never received it but had heard stories and was worried she wouldn’t be able to handle it. I sent them both an email saying that I was in the mood for using my cane, but being a kind and generous Dom I would allow them to choose which of the two of them would receive a particular number of strokes to the particular areas of the body I had in mind (buttocks, thighs, back and soles of the feet).
As I anticipated they came back with a compromise - they wanted to share the punishment, each volunteering to take half of the strokes, but having traded parts of the body between them (sub2 couldn’t bear the idea of being hit on her feet, so offered to take more on the back).
I had separate dates with the two of them and I saw sub2 first. We chatted, relaxed, got horny and I started turning the conversation towards the upcoming punishment. She was nervous. Very nervous. I did nothing to reduce this, telling her how much this was likely to hurt, and how brave she was being to take half of the punishment given that she was so inexperienced. I gave the opinion that it actually seemed pretty unfair to me that she was taking half of the punishment when sub1 was so much more experienced, and much more able to deal with the pain. Really it was like sub2 was being lumbered with far more than half the suffering. sub2 couldn’t help but agree, obviously having second thoughts about her agreement.
So, I suggested, perhaps it would be fairer if sub2 decided to change the arrangement. Perhaps it would be best if sub1 took more of the punishment. Or maybe even all of it? sub2 thought this seemed rather unfair - almost like a betrayal of sub1, but as I pointed out, really sub1 was just being unfair to her, making her take a really nasty, painful, beating without help or support, which she’d probably be incredibly difficult for her to bear, whilst sub1 would deal with her half of it just fine.
It took a little while, but eventually sub2 realised that yes, sub1 had been unfair and that, yes, she should renegotiate the deal. That’s fine, I said, all she had to do was just send sub1 a text to tell her she had backed out of their little deal and that all of the punishment was heading for sub1. sub2 did so. A “Whaattt?????” message arrived in reply shortly afterwards.
It was at this point that I grabbed sub2 by the throat, pinned her to the bed, and explained slowly and carefully what a stupid little cunt she was. Did she really think that I had to stick to some silly little deal if I wanted to beat her? Did she really think I wasn’t going to hurt her? She had showed cowardice and disloyalty, and now I was going to hurt her far more than the original punishment would have involved. She sobbed pathetically as soon as I got my cane out, and screamed delightfully when I applied it to her back, thighs, buttocks and eventually feet (okay, I admit, I didn’t hit her nearly as hard as I could have done… but it turned her into a squidgy mess of pain so all was well).
A few days later I was with sub1. I administered the beating that had been reassigned to her. However, before doing so I had her phone sub2 so that she could listen to the howls of pain, and to the sobbing and the begging as sub1 received the punishment that was supposed to have been shared. sub2 was out with friends at the time, I believe, but I could still hear a constant stream of “Oh… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” coming down the phone from her.
They were never quite as close or trusting after that. There were plenty of twisted emotions around that an evil Dom could manipulate for entertainment reasons. So that’s very much what I did.
Unusual punishments - putting her on the dice
I had a sub once who did something to displease me. I forget what, exactly - I think she may have had an orgasm when I’d specifically told her not to. Anyway, at the time she was living some distance from me, at University, so I decided to devise a punishment she could take with her.
I gave her a single die, which I had blanked out the ‘one’ dot side. I told her she had to role the die first thing every morning - the number of dots she could see would be the number of orgasms she must have that day - no more, no less.
She wasn’t a very multi-orgasmic kind of girl, but she did like to come. Two or three a day was her preferance. Which worked very well - on days she rolled a six she actually had to work at making sure she fitted them all in - having one in the morning, taking a break for one around lunch and taking care of herself regularly doing the evening. How splendid when orgasming becomes a chore.
Of course, rolling a blank was equally distressing for her. Particularly as she would sometimes manage to roll it two or three days running (she would put this down to me clearly being displeased with her and influencing chance - subs tend to have a lot of faith in my powers). No orgasm days were particularly challenging for her because she had other lovers at the time, which meant she had to work very hard to make sure they didn’t make her orgasm despite their best efforts to ‘satisfy’ her; alternatively she would have to fake it for them, which is always a little shameful.
She did very well with this particular punishment for a couple of weeks - until she phoned me to confess she had allowed herself to come on a blank day. I summoned her to me and administered a rather brutal beating which left her sore and bruised for days. I then blanked out the ‘two’ face of the die and sent her away to use it for another month.
Being ‘on the dice’ became a useful short-hand for a punishment that I could bring out whenever I felt she need a little more structure and discipline in her life.
Not all pain is the same pain
I enjoy hurting girls. I love the response it gets from them - the gasps, the crying, the begging… and the power of the orgasms that follow. But not all pain is the same pain and different subs will react to different pain in very different ways.
For instance, the sudden thwack of slapping someone across the face feels very different to the steady, building, ache of placing them in an uncomfortable position and having them remain there for a long period of time. An angry punch is very different to slowly running the edge of a knife over naked skin. A flogger and a cane feel entirely different if you use them with the same strength. And there’s a whole world of difference between a cane to the sole of the foot than to one across the buttocks.
A Dom must learn these things and learn how to use them appropriately. subs may well have particular emotional associations with particular acts. I’ve had subs that take a slap across the face as sexy, exciting, foreplay that gets them entirely revved up. But others for whom a slap across the face is always an admonishment - it will upset them immensely and frequently reduce them to tears as they feel the hot shame of ‘having done something wrong’.
I’ve heard subs discuss the relative merits of ‘stingy pain’ as opposed to ‘deep pain’; of the heavy thump of a large flogger as opposed to the multiple scratches and burns of a cat. Context can change physical experiences greatly - telling a girl that she’s doing very well and you’re proud of her whilst you deliver a lengthy beating will help her to relax and flow into the physical sensation so that she can get deeper into pleasure and further away from pain. Telling her that she’s failed you and you are going to punish her because she’s let you down and is worthless will almost certainly mean that the exact same beating - same implements, same location, same strength of hits - will be agony for her, she will take not an ounce of pleasure for it, and will suffer to a terrible degree.
If you’re going to hurt someone you must know what you’re doing - must understand the basics of physics and physiology (the shock waves from a cane travel deep into tissue, so used on the lower back it can damage kidneys - a flogger distributes its force across the surface so is much less likely to do internal damage). You must get to know the sub. You must get to know how your words, emotions and subtle actions can have a profound effect on the sub who is traveling somewhere very deep into sensation. What you do with this knowledge - well, that’s up to you, and very much depends on what you get off on and what kind of experience you wish your sub to have. But you have to know.
Girls and the D word
Most of us have an appreciation for filthy talk - when you’re deep in the heat of a great fuck it can really enhance the experience to let out expletives, insults and descriptions. When you’re a guy fucking a girl, it’s quite natural to bring out words like ‘Slut’, ‘Bitch’ and ‘Whore’. All good fun.
The nature of this, as of so much that is sexually thrilling, is transgression. We’re getting to say the things that society tells us we shouldn’t, speaking in a way that a part of our passion drives us to do but which most of the time must remain repressed (depending on the nature of one’s relationship, of course. Whore is a term of endearment in my house). As a guy, there’s plenty to say, plenty of society created insults to throw. But what’s a girl to do? If you’re a girl, particularly of the submissive persuasion, what are the transgressive words that you get to say to show your passion for your lover?
I think with this context its fairly easy to see why a dominant guy will, before long, find himself being called ‘Daddy’. It’s not because you’re reminding the girl of her father, it’s because calling someone who is fucking you ‘Daddy’ is clearly sick and wrong in all the right ways to send a thrill through a girl.
Of course in circles D/s some subs use Daddy as a standard form of address for their Dom. This makes sense - in a D/s relationship a Dom primarily acts as a stern, authoritarian figure backed up with love and tenderness, whilst the sub primarily acts as a loving and respectful plaything, backed up with a certain amount of naughtiness and bratty need for attention. The resonance between this and a father/daughter relationship are clear, so using the names makes sense - whilst, of course, introducing the thrill of transgression. Likewise some couples are much more into age-play and enjoy role-playing father/daughter roles, which is all good filthy fun.
However, many girls who just like to get thoroughly fucked, and who have come to enjoy the taste of transgression and doing ‘wrong’ will reach for the D word now and again. We get to say ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ whilst slapping them around the face or anally raping them, they get to say Daddy whilst they cuddle up with us in bed. Seems like a fair exchange.
Pain and sub space
Being a submissive and being a masochist are not quite the same thing. Many are both, most are a combination of the two, but the elements are not necessarily in equal balance. For some the greatest pleasure is to be controlled, humiliated and degraded. For others it is more about shocking physical pain.
The way submissives react to pain is interesting. I’ve had one who hated pain, would argue, complain, attempt to escape, do anything in her power to avoid it… yet as soon as I hit her she would become wet… and the harder I hit her (and the more she complained) the wetter she would become. She needed the pain, had a drive towards it, yet constantly argued against that reality.
Another submissive would never request pain but would quietly accept it, and would challenge herself to take more and more of it, never complaining always accepting. She was afraid, but her challenge to herself was to take as much as I choose to give her without ever showing me that fear. But then, at a certain point, she would begin to cry… and she would cry and cry, never complaining, but letting out deep, painful sobs as I hurt her. It was a catharsis for her, but one she acknowledged her desire and need for.
Yet another would have a full ‘sub space’ experience. Just one slap across the space would send her spiraling away into a deep, trance state. She would become completely submissive and malleable, would agree to anything uncomplaining. She would show a lot of fear, but would not fight back. Once I gave her a particularly severe beating, and at the end of it I said “What was it like?” She said “Blue.” She had lost touch with reality almost straight away and had been drifting in a strange world made up of flowing colours…
Subs and masochists are intricate and fascinating creatures… A skilled Dom has to understand the way a particular submissive operates and learn to work with them to get the most dramatic effects.
subs not slaves
I like submissive girls. I like girls who enjoy being controlled, who are thrilled by pain, who get off on humiliation and degradation. But I like sexually submissive girls - not girls who can be nothing but submissive.
Most of the subs I’ve spent time with have been the most self confident, driven, self-insightful and powerful women I’ve met. They are directed and strong in their everyday life… but when it comes to sex they like it hard, rough, dirty and they like to surrender their will to a strong man. The fact that they are in control of their own lives day to day does not detract from their sexual submission - in fact, to my mind it enhances it.
Over they years I’ve met a few girls who are generally submissive - seemingly lacking their own will, looking for someone else to give them direction and make their decisions for them. These creatures always strike me as just being a bit damaged - that they are having trouble coping with life so are hoping that a Dom will step in and make everything all right by making all of their decision for them and protecting them from the fact that life is hard. I have, generally, found these individuals to be irritating, dull and pointless. They may let you do what you want to them in bed, but where’s the challenge in that? They’ll let practically anyone do what they want to them in any circumstances.
How much better to have a powerful, capable, self-possessed girl who you and only you, can break, reduce to tears and manipulate to your will? How much better to have a girl who is strong and knows her own mind, yet cannot resist you, will keep returning to you no matter how badly you treat her, yearns for the abuses you heap on her yet fears them equally.
Besides, I’m a Dom - I want a sub who makes my life better, easier and more pleasurable. I don’t want someone in my life who is in need of constant direction, protection and instruction. I want someone who is autonomous, successful, ambitious, and driven - yet will still fall to her knees when I slap her around the face.
I like submissives, not slaves… I don’t want to run someone else’s life for them, don’t want responsibility for everything they do and say. I want to see them succeed and flourish… then have them sobbing in pain and begging for mercy before they suck my cock.